Just As I Am. Just As You Are.

Laying in my bed with rats scurrying across the rafters above my head. A huge rat crosses the floor and then peeks out from behind the bathroom door to give me one last glare so I have something to remember while I sleep. Thanks. Please don’t crawl on me in the night. Beck and I share a twin bed. Not too bad. Not too uncomfortable. Cockroaches across the wall. Geckos. As soon as I close my eyes at night I’m out and I usually don’t wake up until morning. I have had such an amazing time with Beck but tomorrow she leaves. Tomorrow we drive to Port and then I will return Tuesday so Heed isn’t alone for too long. Late night saying goodbye to everyone. 4 am comes early. Really early. Beck and I have an awesome chill time in Port. I’m going to miss her. She’ll be back in March. I just know it.

I hope you are well. I hope that you feel like you are with me. Like you are walking through the dust and hiking up mountains. I hope you can feel the sweat dripping down your back as the sun beats down on your shoulders. Hear rebar dragging behind a motorcycle. Babies crying and children giggling. Yelling and singing. Smell the smoke and the dust, the food and the ocean. I want to feel like you are standing on this mountaintop with me, looking over the whole town while feeling the salty air hit your face. I want you to remember how useful you are no matter what you’re doing. That no matter where you are or what you’re doing, God IS using you. Through every single day and through every single smile. A simple good morning to your coworker. Laughing with the cashier in a store. I feel like there is so much pressure put on us to be the very best we can be and not in a good way. Like we have to live up to an unlivable standard. To help until we are exhausted and to give until we don’t even know why or what we’re giving. Remember that you already ARE enough. You already ARE good enough. Already helpful. Already amazing. Already brave. Already courageous. Already kind and compassionate. Already absolutely perfect in God's eyes. Once we realize that we already ARE enough, all we will be is better than we were yesterday. We are already unconditionally loved exactly as we are. Now THAT is freeing. That is freedom at its finest, to know that I am loved just as I am and I am already enough.