The Pain of Comfort

It is time for me to go. I have to return to work. I cannot express how grateful I am for the company I work for. Matrix has been unreal. My boss told me to take as much time as I needed. It's actually because of him that I wrote this blog. He encouraged me to write and so I did. They have taken such good care of me and continue to do so. I will be back in the states until the job is finished and then back to Jeremie I will go for as long as I can. I am on the bus to PAP leaving my family and friends and the team behind. Edo accompanies me on my adventure and I am grateful for his company.

I meet a sweet blan (white person) on the bus named Mugsy. He came to Jeremie all alone because he said God told him to go. He had never been to Haiti. He doesn't speak the language. He slept on the floor of a random persons home and loved on people all day. He is a sweetheart and I'm so proud of him for doing it all alone. Go Mugsy! 

We arrive after a long drive and Edo takes his first hot shower. Beforehand he said he didn't think he would like it but he changed his mind afterward. He couldn't believe they gave soap and towels for us to use. I hear him turn the water on for a moment and turn it back off. This is the way we shower in Haiti to conserve water. You pour water on yourself and then lather up and then rinse off. Bucket showers. It was neat to know he did the same thing here even though he didn't need to. There's plenty of water here and we are paying for it. But he still turned the water off to lather up and then turned it back on quickly to rinse off. 45 minute showers are nonexistent when you have to haul every cup of water you use. When it's my turn to jump in the shower, the warm water hits the top of my head and I just want to curl up in a ball. I want to cry. I want to get on the bus back to Jeremie. The shock of a small comfort like warm water. Going back to the states is going to be hard. Too hard. We eat dinner. Edo swims in the pool. I climb in my bed early to go to sleep. I'm tired. These sheets are so clean. This bed is so comfortable. I'm so undeserving. My people are in Jeremie. They're still sleeping on cement and dirt floors. What am I doing? Why am I here? Why am I leaving? I try to clear my head. I'm leaving in the morning. I'm leaving in the morning. I'm leaving in the morning.